Then why are you in a cage?

[mostlyajerk]

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[viber]

:(

For real?

[mostlyajerk]

I gave you my bank account number last time!!!

I can't be trusted around you.

[viber]

Yeah but all I did was check how much you had and you were pretty drunk so who cares?

Come on, man. I'll even buy you dinner!

[mostlyajerk]

Is that because you just found out I have no money?

[viber]

No, it's because I'm hungry and if you're there, it'd be weird to eat in front of you.

[mostlyajerk]

It'd probably be weird anyway, you either eat very sexual or just plain disgusting.

[viber]

Look, dude, come on.

Just come over, have some burgers with me and we can chill. You can have one of those lame veggie burger things with salad and idk like leaves and stuff. Then we can have sex and hang out a little.

[mostlyajerk]

I don't get it.

I mean, fill out a profile of what you want in someone you date and I hit none of those criteria for you.

[viber]

Smart, handsome, wants me?

That's my main three criteria. You hit two out of three. Yeah, I know, you only want to do me right now but my personality isn't so bad.

Then the add plus of the rest like great in bed, loves science, watches dorky films, reads cool books annnnd likes rats. Rats are adorable, I am so pro-rat.

[mostlyajerk]

Okay.

What about me being a dick? What about me being terrible at talking to people?

What about, you know, my personality?

I'm pretty much designed to push people away.

[viber]

So you're a dick. So am I

Do you see me sweating that? Whatever. People who love you don't care you're a dick cause neither of us is a dick twenty four seven. If you were, you'd have waaaay more money in your bank account.

And you want to talk terrible social skills? HELLO! Have you met me?

[mostlyajerk]

People like you.

That's the difference between us. I'm useful, I'm not likeable.

I mean, I'm fine with that. I'm just saying. I know you're into what I can make you feel, but actually being with me? That's a lot more annoying.

[viber]

Yeah, I'm likeable. That's why I have three friends in the entire world. Dude, half the city hates me, I kind of blew it up. People still spit in my drinks at certain restaurants and normal people still think I'm this raging nerd that just spews pop culture.

No one is entirely liked.

And how do you even know what I'll feel if I'm around you and we're not doing it if you never stick around after or see me before. You jump to a lot of conclusions for a scientist and I have to say, not cool. You lectured me for this very thing when we worked together.

[mostlyajerk]

That was because you made conclusions that could potentially blow the lab up, not because you were nervous about dating someone who's officially your enemy.

[viber]

Well not officially.

I mean we can get kind of pedantic here but you're a rogue and honestly, I know you guys try but you're like one step away from selling girl scout cookies some days.

Last time someone attacked the city, Leonard rushed in to save Barry. And don't quote me on this buuuuuut I'm pretty sure they cuddled. It was weird BUT the point is, you guys suck as enemies and you should just quit. And cuddle me. Well, just you, not all the rogues. That'd be weird.

[mostlyajerk]

Are you sure? Because Mark and Mick both give pretty good cuddles, when you can keep them from strangling you instead.

So. You want to date me?

[viber]

Last time I got kidnapped by Mick, he tried to burn me so I'm good.

Yeah. Did you not get that? Date me, we'll get burgers and cuddle :D

[mostlyajerk]

Mick's a dick, you have to stop getting kidnapped.

I.

I'm not really at my best today, actually.

[viber]

That's never going to happen, too late.

Neither am I. Why?

Does that stop you from dating me?

[mostlyajerk]

It makes me vulnerable.

I'm kind of repairing my implants right now, I can't really hear.

[viber]

Can I help? I'm good at stuff like that.

Being vulnerable is just part of love, I guess.

[mostlyajerk]

No wonder I can't stand it.

Well, I'm not leaving the house like this, I'm just hanging with my rats.

[viber]

Can I come over? You never let me.

We only do things on your terms, kinda sucks sometimes. If we date, can it be less one sided.

[mostlyajerk]

That was the deal we had.

Yeah, this would be a different deal. I'll send you my address.

You're bringing burgers? Because all I have are stale poptarts.

[viber]

That's cool, you've seen my kitchen. Everything I have is expired or weird stuff my mom brought me.

There's a reason I eat take out.

I'm coming with food!