Then why are you in a cage?

[mostlyajerk]

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[viber]

Smart, handsome, wants me?

That's my main three criteria. You hit two out of three. Yeah, I know, you only want to do me right now but my personality isn't so bad.

Then the add plus of the rest like great in bed, loves science, watches dorky films, reads cool books annnnd likes rats. Rats are adorable, I am so pro-rat.

[mostlyajerk]

Okay.

What about me being a dick? What about me being terrible at talking to people?

What about, you know, my personality?

I'm pretty much designed to push people away.

[viber]

So you're a dick. So am I

Do you see me sweating that? Whatever. People who love you don't care you're a dick cause neither of us is a dick twenty four seven. If you were, you'd have waaaay more money in your bank account.

And you want to talk terrible social skills? HELLO! Have you met me?

[mostlyajerk]

People like you.

That's the difference between us. I'm useful, I'm not likeable.

I mean, I'm fine with that. I'm just saying. I know you're into what I can make you feel, but actually being with me? That's a lot more annoying.

[viber]

Yeah, I'm likeable. That's why I have three friends in the entire world. Dude, half the city hates me, I kind of blew it up. People still spit in my drinks at certain restaurants and normal people still think I'm this raging nerd that just spews pop culture.

No one is entirely liked.

And how do you even know what I'll feel if I'm around you and we're not doing it if you never stick around after or see me before. You jump to a lot of conclusions for a scientist and I have to say, not cool. You lectured me for this very thing when we worked together.

[mostlyajerk]

That was because you made conclusions that could potentially blow the lab up, not because you were nervous about dating someone who's officially your enemy.

[viber]

Well not officially.

I mean we can get kind of pedantic here but you're a rogue and honestly, I know you guys try but you're like one step away from selling girl scout cookies some days.

Last time someone attacked the city, Leonard rushed in to save Barry. And don't quote me on this buuuuuut I'm pretty sure they cuddled. It was weird BUT the point is, you guys suck as enemies and you should just quit. And cuddle me. Well, just you, not all the rogues. That'd be weird.

[mostlyajerk]

Are you sure? Because Mark and Mick both give pretty good cuddles, when you can keep them from strangling you instead.

So. You want to date me?

[viber]

Last time I got kidnapped by Mick, he tried to burn me so I'm good.

Yeah. Did you not get that? Date me, we'll get burgers and cuddle :D

[mostlyajerk]

Mick's a dick, you have to stop getting kidnapped.

I.

I'm not really at my best today, actually.

[viber]

That's never going to happen, too late.

Neither am I. Why?

Does that stop you from dating me?

[mostlyajerk]

It makes me vulnerable.

I'm kind of repairing my implants right now, I can't really hear.

[viber]

Can I help? I'm good at stuff like that.

Being vulnerable is just part of love, I guess.

[mostlyajerk]

No wonder I can't stand it.

Well, I'm not leaving the house like this, I'm just hanging with my rats.

[viber]

Can I come over? You never let me.

We only do things on your terms, kinda sucks sometimes. If we date, can it be less one sided.

[mostlyajerk]

That was the deal we had.

Yeah, this would be a different deal. I'll send you my address.

You're bringing burgers? Because all I have are stale poptarts.

[viber]

That's cool, you've seen my kitchen. Everything I have is expired or weird stuff my mom brought me.

There's a reason I eat take out.

I'm coming with food!

[mostlyajerk]

Where are you getting the food?

You're a good boyfriend so far.

[viber]

Depends. What do you want? Big Belly Burger or Taco Bell? Or I guess thai, I'm near a thai place.

Awesome!

[mostlyajerk]

I like Thai and I like things that are less big and commercialised, but whatever you want. Just make sure it's vegetarian, can't abandon all principles for a cute guy.

[viber]

So thai and vegetarian. I'm on it!

Should I bring back a drink or something? Coke? 7-up? Mountain dew?

[mostlyajerk]

I usually just drink water. But I'm fine with some spice, in case you're wondering. Not full on heat, but normal Thai stuff.

This reminds me of you freaking out over bringing salad to work.

[viber]

Do you want a coffee? Jitters is like right there. And I got your stuff, the women that works there looked at me like I was so crazy because I went vegetarian. She thought I was sick.

I was hungry, I asked for food and you tried to give me leaves. What the fuck was that?

[mostlyajerk]

I always want coffee. And come on, Thai cuisine has great vegetarian dishes! You'll have to try some of mine.

There were croutons, it was good salad! I mean, it was for my lunch, it even had strawberries.

[viber]

Nope, I'm good. You have your stuff, I'll have mine.

Ew, God. All I wanted was like a candy bar and I got fruit. You're like the boring mom no one wants to have. I bet you eat carrot sticks and celery.