mostlyajerk | Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"You know, I had no idea they were, well, like you. You know?" Gay. He meant gay. "I thought they were just partners in crime. I guess I never thought about it like that. Guys like them doing stuff like that." It felt weird. Like not something he was horrified by, just kind of intrigued. Harvey was so badass and yet he was gay? He knew in his head that was a dick thing to think and it shouldn't shock him because hell, Hartley was badass too but it was strangely reassuring.

And he honestly had no idea why. "You know, Piper, this joint is swanky as fuck. We have yet to meet a Gotham criminal with a crappy pad. I guess over here, the crime kinda pays better."

"Eddie's bisexual. He had two girlfriends for a long time. Harvey Dent used to be married to a woman. So I'm going to go ahead and assume that neither of them is gay." Whatever. Why was it even such a big deal? It had never used to be anything like that. He remembered back when Trickster stood up for him when Captain Boomerang made his funny jokes. Seemed like a different lifetime now. But then, so did everything.

With a shrug, Hartley had to agree. "Yeah. Although from what Eddie told me, most of his money doesn't even come from crime. He's just an actual genius and he was one of the first into computers and cyber stuff. He came up with some programming languages, stuff like that. It's fascinating. Plus, he has expensive tastes. Very expensive."

"Woah, seriously? huh. Kinda figured the Riddler was a bit of a queer and he pulled two girls? Amazing." It was had to wash with one hand but he did, awkwardly showering and trying his best not to fall over when the floor got slippy from the weird expensive shampoo he was using. Man, these guys had some ritzy things. He was kind of amazed how rich they were.

"I can't do that legit thing, I mean FBI work is fun, you know, but it doesn't pay like crime used to. Being upstanding is actually trashing my resources, you know?" Hartley had to get what he meant, he was in the same boat. Being reformed and legit was not helping James pay the bills much. "Man, you're going to love this shower gel. It's so fancy."

"I guess. I don't really care." Which, whatever, privilege, he had had money once, he didn't mind not having it so much. But then, James also just happened to have different interests, different expenses. If Hartley had money to just provide James with everything he could want for the remaining time he had, he'd do it. Screw socialism, for just a while, he wanted everything for James.

"It smells nice." Wait. That was too gay, wasn't it? Hartley bit down on his lower lip and sighed. He was just so tired. He was so tired of all of this.

"It does, doesn't it?" If it was too gay, James didn't notice in this moment, he was way too busy just enjoying the warm, the smell, the overall fun of having bubbly soap in his hair. For once, he actually relaxed. He grinned and pushed the door open to the shower, not caring if Hartley saw him naked, playfully flicking bubbles in Hartley's face then reaching out to arrange them into a stupid bubble beard for him. "You look quite dashing, sir, quite dashing indeed."

He tipped his imaginary cap and then backed into the shower once more, shoving his head under the water and letting out a few bars of Under the Sea. Not overly well sung nor in key but whatever. Fun! "Join in, Pipes, you know the words." And there it was again. Badly sung but the happiest James had been all day.

Hartley was careful to leave his hand where it was, covering his eyes. He didn't want this to turn south. He was smiling in spite of everything, because James was happy. Even if it was just for a few minutes, it was more than they had had last time.

He didn't sing. Of course he didn't sing. Music... It never stopped. Even now he could hear it. His swan song, the song he'd sung for James. But he was smiling, leaning back against the shower with a stupid bubble beard and feeling a little like an idiot and mostly almost happy. James had always known how to cheer him up. Past tense.

"You sing so beautifully."

"I know, right? I changed Captain Colds ring tone to me belting out 'Let it Go' once. He didn't seem to adore it as much as we do but then we both know he has no taste." The water turned off and he politely stuck his hand out of the shower, wriggling his fingers. "Towel?" When Hartley passed it back, he wrapped it around his waist swiftly and hmmed happily at how nice and fluffy it was.

Man, Eddie had some nice bathroom accessories.

Reaching out, he wiped Hartley's beard away for him with a smile on his face. "Your turn." James gestured for him to go inside, turning around so he could look in the mirror, wincing at how purple his nose was getting. "Do you think this will scar? I don't want it to stay. The rest of my life with a wonky nose? Not cool."

Edited 2016-05-16 17:50 (UTC)

"No. I don't think it will scar." He almost said that even if, James would still be handsome, just to keep the atmosphere relaxed, but that time had passed. James could be flirty all he wanted to, if Hartley said anything of the kind, he risked a fit. He looked at James and he saw the blood. Hartley stared at James' reflection, looked at the lifeless, slack face. Dead. Gone. He heard the music louder and he had to steady himself against the shower, finally managing to lower his head. He was breathing heavily and he needed to get a grip on himself.

"You sure? I hope not." He turned his head back to Hartley and pulled a face, swiftly dropping his head so he didn't accidentally look at the other showering. "If we get out of this mess alive, I'm so investing in better bathroom things, you know? I think as soon as I get to wherever I'm allowed to call home next, I'm just going to spend all the money decking out the bathroom. I mean who needs a living room? I can watch TV in the bath." It seemed better to focus on positives, to think of the future, not fear it. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to get out of this alive.

Hartley was glad that the water was hitting his face, so he could tell himself that he wasn't crying. He swallowed thickly, not really able to enjoy this shower the way James had. At least he had an excuse for not replying right away, given he was in here. However, once he finished up, a lot quicker than James, and wrapped a towel around himself, he did manage to say something without sounding too emotional. "I'll buy you a scented candle."

"Can it be one of the jelly bean scented ones?" James asked playfully, all dry now and with his pants back on, barefoot for now but he was going to put them back on when Hartley had his clothes all sorted. "You didn't sing." What? That was like a shower tradition. He tsked softly and then turned back to the mirror, pulling some goofy faces in it and wincing when his nose got pulled a little. "You should always sing in the shower, best time to sing. Especially water themed songs." He reached out to idly poke his nose. Owie.

"Sure. Whichever one you want." The ridiculousness of all this was that knowing himself and how sentimental he was, this would just lead to him at some point, somehow, should he have any chance of surviving this, lighting a jelly bean scented candle in James' honour. "I'm not in a singing mood." But he offered him a smile, mostly focused on dragging his clothes back on as quickly as he could. He pulled out his flute, checking it out of habit, but then he actually glanced at James again, if only for a moment. "I can take a look at your nose. If you want. But it will hurt."

"If you can stop it from fucking up my face, go for it. Make it hurt less." He moved in closer to Hartley and closed his eyes, gritting his teeth and preparing for the pain. He trusted Hartley. No one else but Hartley, really. No one else had earned his trust. People weren't good, they were out to get him, to hurt hum and Hartley. All they had was each other, they had to stick together on this. And he knew that Hartley wouldn't fuck up his face any worse. "Just remember if you screw it up, you gotta spend the rest of your days looking at me and a terrible nose. It's all on you, buddy."

"I've seen worse." Hartley stroked back the hair from James' face, brushing against his forehead for a moment. He could see the blood. He stared at it while he put his hands on James' nose, working quickly and precisely, as he did with his tools. He didn't know if he could make the pain less, but at least he could keep James' nose from healing crooked. As if he'd live long enough for that. He lowered his hands slowly, eyes shifting to look just past James again. "Better?"

"Shit! Ah, yeah, yeah, better." It hurt at first but now it was just sort of a normal ache instead of a constant throbbing. He sniffed a little, his eyes watering from the pain. "I'm not being a big girl and crying, my pain just makes my eyes water." He rubbed them away and shook his head, trying to get himself back into the game. "So are we going to go back out there and talk to the Gotham freaks or climb out of the window and make a break for it?"

"You have a broken nose, no shame in a few tears." Hartley smiled fleetingly and straightened up, nodding toward the door. "Let's go out. We can still run if they can't help us, but just imagine, we could maybe sleep for a few." That did sound like complete luxury. Not that Hartley was expecting that he would be able to get much sleep, even if he could in theory.

So he finally walked back out, not surprised to see that Harvey didn't really seem to have moved from his spot on the couch, while Eddie was working on something. Whatever it was.

"You have the Suicide Squad after you, Piper."

"Why, yes. Thanks for telling me. Any more news?"

"Deadshot was talking about you in the chat. Anyone who can give him a tip off where you are will get some of the reward. Ivy and Penguin have already sold you out. Nothing person, it's how it works here." And if Two Face gave them out now, he'd make a cool million in a second. He didn't though. He didn't think he had the heart to send these poor idiots to hell just for a misunderstanding.

"A chat? Like a group chat?" Huh. That was oddly unsettling. Was it whatsapp? Did they send memes? He wanted to know more.

"None of your business, kid." Harvey was not going to send deets. "On top of your little drama, we have drama of our own. Specifically the Joker. He's gone. And Lex Luthor. Those two not being here while the world is going to shit? Never a good sign."

"They have a really dangerous people who like to kill a lot chat. Harvey won't let me contribute, although I've so many great ideas." Yes, if this went according to Eddie, there would be memes. He turned in his seat and looked at James, nodding approvingly. "You're looking better. You too, Hartley."

There was a smile just for the Piper and he might have been blushing. What? There was still just a bit of hero worship going on and Eddie looked good. He always looked good. He had seen pictures of him beaten up and he even managed that in the Hollywood ways.

"So. You're not selling us out yet, Eddie wouldn't want his place shot up. Do you want us to leave?"

"Hmm. Dunno." Harvey pulled out his coin and flipped it, looking at the results before sighing. "The coins thinks I shouldn't sell you out so maybe you can stay the night but if life has taught me anything, Eddie can always over-rule the coin." Which was an amazing step for Harvey to even admit that but ten years, lots of therapy and some plastic surgery later and he was pretty much getting somewhere at least.

James shuffled a little and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Just let us leave and it'll cause no hassle. Just don't sell us out until we can get a head start and we'll owe you something. Both of us. That's two favours for a little bit of a head start."

Not the best deal but a better deal than they had.

"That's my power. Stronger than a coin." It could have been mockery, but Eddie smiled a smile that gave away how touched he really was. He leaned back in his seat, looking at Hartley and James. They looked so adorable, it was touching. "Seems like the likelihood of getting to cash in on those favours isn't all that high."

"Harsh," Hartley commented, even knowing that it was true. "So what?"

"I have an idea. I'm testing myself. I have to do that, nobody else is up for the challenge. So I want to keep you two safe and I want Deadshot to miss. Two for one." Eddie lifted his fingers to indicate as much.

"Glad you're enjoying this."

"You're very reassuring." James didn't like the way these people worked. They weren't familiar and to a degree, they could be fairly harsh. "Deadshot can't ever miss. We're dead, aren't we? Fuck. This sucks. I had plans, you know? I wanted to finish Breaking Bad." Okay so he was like five years behind the craze and that was probably low priory but he still wanted to do it.

"Odds are, you're both getting your brains splattered out by Deadshot but we offered to help and we're helping. So take it and shut up, it's the best you're getting."

"You're not helping. The Riddler's helping, you're just -- watching sport." Huh. James tilted his head and watched as the Gotham Knights played against the Metropolis Giants, a curious expression on his face. "... Do you have netflix?"

"I'm not missing my game so you can't finish Breaking Bad. Not even if it's a dying wish."

"I don't need Netflix. I just take what I want." What a fearsome super-villain. Eddie started to talk to Hartley in a language that was definitely not English, but Hartley obviously understood. He took a step closer to Eddie, so he could see what he was working on. He finally realized that James might feel excluded, which was probably Eddie's idea here, but Hartley switched back to English anyway.

It didn't really help, by this point it was all tech talk. "It could work," Hartley finally concluded and Eddie nodded.

"I'd not volunteer as target practice, but hey. That's what you boys are here for. How's your boyfriend, Piper?"

"Who-- Oh. He's ex. Very ex."

James had a feeling Eddie didn't want him to be part of things and didn't much care what he had to say so instead of getting upset, he just let it all happen, standing beside Hartley and just watching with a bored expression. When the tech talk finally stopped, he paused and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh God, not that dick."

What he was a dick and he wasn't good for or to Piper. And he didn't approve. James gave Hartley a look and shook his head slightly. "I don't get how a guy so smart has that bad of a taste in guys. You could have done waaaaay better than that guy." Stupid asshole. Had no idea how to treat Hartley.

"I don't know. Some of them weren't that bad." So yes, apparently Eddie knew about Hartley's dating life. What? There weren't exactly any rogues in his circle that he could talk to. James was just proving his point.

"That's just James. He's yet to approve of anyone I'm dating." Which, granted, hadn't always been the cream of the crop, but he had had a few promising ones among them. "But as you can imagine, right now my dating life is pretty dead."

"Aw. Poor kid. I feel like I should offer to help you out."

"I think there are more important issues than you dating like, oh, I don't know, the fact we're being hunted and got accused of killing the Flash. We're fucked, who cares who you're dating?" Why did he have to talk about dating now? There was a lot of stress and he didn't have time for this shit. Also he didn't like to hear about it. He told himself it was just because of the whole lame homo thing and not because it bugged him.

"We do." Harvey looked up from his game with an amused expression. Closeted kids were so cute. "Did you have anyone after the last ex? Who was, by the way, indeed a dick." Harvey seemed to debate it for a moment before grinning at Eddie. "We have a few new kids who could work with Hart, don'cha think?"

"What? No! He's not dating right now. Deadshot is going to kill us, why are you trying to find him dates?"

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

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