Tricked Out

[mostlyajerk]

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[trickedya]

Bravery is dumb. I'm never brave but I'm often very, very alive. Being brave gets your ass kicked. How hurt is he?

Is he sleeping on you? He's a cuddly sleeper, I so bet he is.

[mostlyajerk]

It could be worse. Nothing vital was hit, if I'm any judge, but he lost a lot of blood.

He has his head in my lap and keeps muttering in Italian.

[trickedya]

I'm a blood match if you need it. We found out the last time. What a bond!

I think that's his first language but how the fuck do I know? He tells me nothing about himself. I don't know his age, his birthday, his real name. I mean come on, James Jesse? So made up.

[mostlyajerk]

He's sleeping fine now, so if he doesn't get worse, I think it should be all right. I hope I stitched him up right, I don't want him to have some ugly scar because of me.

I didn't even know he spoke Italian. Maybe I shouldn't tell him that I understand it, see how much I can find out.

[trickedya]

Scars are sexy. Or so I'm repeatedly told by weird dudes with knife kinks. He'll be fine. James always lands on his feet, always has. He's so cool like that.

Oooh, do it! Share! I so wanna know. All I know is he's a weird circus kid who is hella fine. Like man, this eyes? They kill me every time."

[mostlyajerk]

James is just an idiot who gets lucky a lot. He's nowhere close to as cool as you think he is.

I won't share, I keep my information private. But yes, he sure does have eyes.

[trickedya]

I never get lucky, I'm still envious and I'm still impressed. Besides, he is pretty cool. You can't deny it.

Bluest eyes ever. Don't pretend you haven't noticed. You don't have to be in love with him to admit it. He's handsome.

[mostlyajerk]

For one thing, I can deny just about everything. For another, no, cool isn't really the word I'd use to describe him.

His eyes are very blue. So, what? Are you in love with James?

[trickedya]

What word would you use?

Nah. I mean I thought I did for ages but it turns out no, I just sort of want him to love me but not in a 'I love you' kind of way. Maybe in a brother way? I don't know. I never had family so I'm not sure how it feels to love them but I love James. I'm not in love with him.

[mostlyajerk]

Annoying. Repressed. Putting on a show.

Good for you, I don't think he's a very good person to be in love with. You can have better luck than that, Ax.

[trickedya]

We all put on a show, pretty boy. Even you.

I really can't. My last offer was a guy from a neo nazi skinhead gang and he basically wanted me to be his bitch. I wasn't into it, you know? Like I can live with the whole tattooed psycho thing but I'm so not game for racists.

[mostlyajerk]

Of course I do. James is just better at convincing himself.

I'm pretty sure you can get somebody who is not a racist. James always talks about how you can make even straight guys want you. Which is a creepy thing to keep talking about, by the way.

[trickedya]

Me and James talk about anything, we went passed creepy a loooong time ago.

Bullshit. If you're into a dude sucking your dick and you know it's a dude, you're at least a little gay and not straight. And I can but no one wants me. They use me. Big difference, Hart. Maybe you'll get that some day. Someone can still make you feel loved, adored and happy when they're just making use of you. It's just all very hollow when it's over and you realise.

[mostlyajerk]

Not everyone just wants to use you. Or me. I don't believe that.

Anyway, you have James and you have me. We aren't using you.

[trickedya]

We live in different worlds right now, pretty. You'll see it my way one day.

Right now. You might. You probably will. And I'll use you. That's how the world is.

[mostlyajerk]

Maybe. We'll see who turns out to be right. But I don't think I'll ever not want to help you when you need help.

[trickedya]

You're so cute, man. I want to keep you away from the mean world. Keep thinking like that, it's ... sweet? I don't know. Be hopeful for the both of us!

[mostlyajerk]

It's not really hope so much as I need to believe in something. I don't know. I mean, I want to be loyal. I am loyal. Why shouldn't other people be too? And you've helped me before. I'd want to help you.

[trickedya]

I don't believe in people. They're selfish. I stopped believing when I was eight and my foster family dropped me as soon as not-mommy finally got pregnant. Who wants someone else's kid when they can have their own now? Newborns aren't complicated, you know? No one likes complicated. People don't do things because they're good people and they want to help, they do it because it's what's best at the time.

Right now, it's best for me to help you. I like you so I want you around.

[mostlyajerk]

Whatever. I like helping people. I don't think that's going to change, even if I become as bitter as you.

But I'm sorry that life sucks. It does that a lot. I know.

[trickedya]

You're a good person. I'm not. We'll always differ there.

Eh, it doesn't bother me much! Life is life, I focus on the better things. Like my twitter and how sick my abs are getting ;)

[mostlyajerk]

You're only getting abs so you can show them off on your twitter, aren't you?

[trickedya]

You know me so well.

When James is awake and better, lemme know? I'll come get him. I'm off to work now so just keep me posted.