mostlyajerk

"I understand that." He wished he understood all of it more. No, he wished Axel wouldn't do it. He wished he'd not feel so stupidly possessive. Hartley kept holding Axel, understanding that he had to look away from him, but watching his face himself. He wished he had the means to keep Axel from having to do this. "I know you don't enjoy that shit, I'm not an idiot about that. You... I don't look down at you for this. You know that, right?"

It was very important to him that Axel did know that. "I don't care what anyone tells me. I know what you're like."

"I know what they call me, Hartley, I'm not shocked. I've been called worse but I don't have the options a lot of people do. I mean what else am I going to do? Unless I want to get tangled with a gang or deal drugs, I'm kind of limited and at least this way, I can avoid the worst if I use a condom and say no to bondage." For the most part. Axel didn't always have great clients. There was the guy who handcuffed him to the bed and legitimately wouldn't let him go so he had to break himself out, there was the guy who beat the ever loving shit out of him because 'he was into it' and the one that tried to date him after and got kind of possessive over it. The list was just full of creepy freaks who'd done awful things but all of it still won out over joining a gang.

"I'll quit as soon as I pay off my debts." Axel said and would always say every time he had a talk like this with James but it just never happened. "I want to actually own a place of my own eventually."

"I'll help you pay off your debts when I'm earning money. You can pay me back later or whatever, this won't be about you owing me anything, even if we break up." Hartley had seen bruises, marks, he'd seen the moments when Axel's smile was dropped and it really showed how much he hated doing this. How much it hurt him every single time. It wasn't that he wanted to rescue him, although part of him did, but he just needed to help Axel help himself.

"Do you have any regulars?"

"No way, don't do that. You'll make it weird." Axel rolled his eyes and moved away from Hartley because no, he didn't like where this was going. He'd been down this road with weird clients too. The guys who wanted to save him and take him away from all of this and whatever bullshit hero complex nonsense they wanted to spout. He didn't need Hartley doing that either. Axel sat upright and ran a finger through his hair, trying to break up the gel a little. "You need to save for school and it's all good. If I wanted money to be just given to me, I'd have taken it from James by now."

James offered and offered all the time but Axel just had too much pride for that. "Oh yeah. I mean not that I do it regularly but whenever I tap in, there's always guys waiting." Whenever Axel took a break when money was good or he didn't feel like doing it, the guys would still ask, still follow him, bother him over it. It was kind of annoying.

"I won't then. But it's not about me taking care of you, it'be about us taking care of each other. Just. Something to keep in mind. I can't stay at the centre forever. We'd have better chances if we shared a place somewhere. Something crappy probably, but still." Hartley stayed on his back and put one hand on Axel's knee, just to maintain contact. He didn't want to think Axel that he had any desire to be at all like any of his clients. He just wanted to be with his boyfriends.

"I know there are always guys waiting. The other day some guy threatened me to leave you alone, because you're his and he pays better." Nothing unusual or surprising any more. "Do you like any part of it? The flirting? I don't know. I just want to understand better."

"Yeah, I love flirting with creepy guys who follow me around and threaten my boyfriend. Don't be stupid, Hartley. You're brighter than this. I hate them." That was even an understatement, he hated them. He hated every last one of them and their horrible perverted kinks and inability to find someone to fuck without paying. He hated everything about his job and the people he had to be around. "You know the guy who interrupted us last week?"

The classy gentleman in combats who practically shoved Hartley on the floor and away from Axel before he started yelling at Axel for playing with his heart. The guy who waved his knife at Hartley. "He wants me to call him daddy and when I was very, very stupid, I let him tie me up once. Didn't end well. Flirting with him is painful. Physically painful." Axel gritted his teeth a little and mentally told himself it was okay. It was going to be fine. One day he'd make them all suffer. It was only a matter of time before the new disorder and he'd have a chance to take back the world. Until then, he just had to keep the money flowing. "I'd love to quit, Hart. I'd love it. It'd be the best day of my life."

Axel smiled a little and gave Hartley his hand, just in case he wanted to hold it. "We could get a small place and you can go be all genius and I'll just try not to fuck up. It'll be amazing. That's the part I like."

"I like that too." Hartley's voice was quiet and he kept a tight hold around Axel's hand, moving it to his lips to press them against his knuckles. His eyes were closed and he looked sad, because he knew Axel wouldn't let himself actually express how he felt. Might as well do it for him. He knew he ought to be scared to go out with Axel, hell, he'd been threatened, he always got solicited, one very memorable and terrifying occasion had combined the two before he'd kicked that asshole in the balls.

He finally looked up at Axel and there might be a wetness to his eyes, but he was smiling. "You called me your boyfriend."

"Oh God, Hart." Axel sighed and moved in, pulling the other into a tight hug. Crying boyfriend alert, so not good. Oh man, he hated seeing that. He learned not long ago that as soon as Hartley cried, Axel literally became his bitch. He'd do anything to fix it. Anything. "I am your boyfriend. And you're mine. We're dating, right?"

He held onto his tight and buried his head into the other's neck, knowing he'd regret what he was about to do but maybe he just had to bite the bullet and do it. "And if we're dating, I can't keep this up forever. I guess -- I mean, if we're really serious and we want a place together then we're going to have to pool in our money so we could just work together to pay my debts and I could quit." If it would stop Hartley from looking sad, he'd become a God damn altar boy for him. "Maybe I can use my fake ID to get a real job."

"Yes, we are dating. If you want to be dating me. You know I only want to be with you." Hartley smiled and kissed Axel's neck, kissed whatever skin was closest to him. "I'm serious. I'm more serious about being with you than I am about anything else. but I don't want you to quit because I can't take it or because I'm possessive or jealous or whatever the hell. I want you to quit, because I can see what a toll it takes on you. I'm going to earn money. I'm already getting some, right? I'm saving up. We could probably find a cheap place somewhere. Do you want me to start looking?"

"I can take it. I can take most things, you don't have to worry about me. I'm always okay, pretty piper." Axel didn't really get upset, he got angry, he got distant but never really upset. He could remember the last time he cried and it was a long time ago, around the time he met James' actually. "I can see about paying off my debts, I have a stash of money, I can borrow some from James and work something out. It'd be nice to have our own place." Axel smiled playfully and raised his hand to run it through Hartley's hair. "We could get a houseplant."

"We could. I've never had a houseplant before. I always wanted rats, since we had some at the lab at school and I freed them, but of course I wasn't allowed to. One day we can have rats. If you don't mind." Hartley rolled on his back and made sure to pull Axel on top of him. "I'm not asking for you to quit from one day to the other, I know it's not that easy. I just want to help make it so you can quit, you know?"

"I like rats. We can have rats. And a TV, it doesn't have to be a good TV but I kind of miss TV. I like that James' has one." For a while, he just used to watch it from outside of people's houses through the window but now he could actually pick the channel and hear the volume. Way cooler. "I get that, I know. I won't be impossible, it's not even what I officially do, it's just because I'm pretty broke right now. I technically quit a year ago but things got out of hand." Axel got hooked on drugs again mostly.

"Never watched TV much, I wasn't supposed to. I did mess with the television we had once so it would only broadcast Spanish stations, that was fun." Mostly because he had done it in retaliation of the way his father talked about their mostly Spanish speaking staff, partly just for the hell of it. Hartley liked playing around with tech, it was how he mostly financed himself by now. The LGBT centre currently sported a very advanced heating system and the fasted ages old computer ever. "Does James know you want your own place?

"James' knows, I've talked about it a lot. I mean we don't really live together as it is, James just knows I sometimes need somewhere to crash." James was a very understanding person for all his quirks and oddities. He always tried his best with Axel, he had no idea why but that was James. He explained nothing and gave many mixed signals. "The place he lives has cheap rent and apartments are always freeing up. I know it's not the best place but it's a place. We could always look into going there."

"I'll have a look. We can get a crappy apartment! But hey, I know how to build a decent heater, you have a mattress, if we find an old television somewhere we could probably fix it up, it would be luxury pure." Hartley chuckled and kissed Axel again, then moved his hand to check his watch. "You said you had to be somewhere, right? Is it the kind of somewhere we can go together holding hands or is it my cue to find somewhere else to be?"

"It's my cue to leave, unfortunately. I'd love to stay and discuss our future life of luxury but I have some friends to meet." Friends, people who paid him to case places, same thing really and it stopped him from having to tell Hartley the truth. "Nothing dangerous, I swear I'll be a good boy too so we can hang after if you want? Just chill out here, James went out to party so odds are, he won't be back for a few days." That was how it was with James, he disappeared a lot and it was always nice when Axel wanted privacy.

"I have homework to do anyway." What different lives, in spite of everything. Hartley sat up, not really caring that he was naked, given he wasn't in a Hollywood film and Axel had not only seen him naked before, but also had his fingers and lips and everything all over him as well. "I'll stick around. Maybe go out to get us food? You can text me when you're heading back, so food with be kinda fresh."

"If you're going to get food, make sure you actually put on pants." Axel teased as he yanked on his boxers and jeans, usually he'd shower but he kind of liked smelling like Hartley. He liked the way it felt to have someone he loved all over him and leaving behind a reminder. "I'll text and make sure you get something that keeps like pizza. We can live off it for as long as possible." Food that lasted and could be recycled as breakfast was the best kind of food.

"Sounds good. I love when you text me, makes me feel all cool. I could brag to people about how I have a boyfriend that texts me." Hartley grinned, leaning his head against his knees as he watched Axel get dressed, whistling appreciatively at a good view of his backside. Hey, he wasn't going to lie about just how attracted he was to him. "Take care."

Out.

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