James looked up at Hartley and licked his lips, contemplated what to say next. What he said next was a lot of pressure, it was going to make or break this and if he fucked it up then he was going to end up upsetting Hartley and probably dying alone somewhere as a closeted fuck up with no hope of finding love. So, you know, the pressure was a little much.
"Good." Fuck. Good? What did good mean? "Great." Okay, getting a little better. "Thank you." Shit. Nope, abort. Abort!
"...you're very polite when I kiss you." Hartley looked down at James and finally he broke down into a laugh, leaning down but only to kiss his cheek. No, he didn't really know where they stood, but this was at the very least entertaining. "You're very welcome."
"I don't know! There's a lot of pressure and I figured go polite and now I have no idea why. It's your fault, you asshole. I was never this much of a loser and then you came along and suddenly I'm a babbling idiot." So yeah, totally all on Hartley and none of it on him. He huffed and flopped back, rolling his eyes at the idiot laughing above him. Well. He guessed it was kind of funny. James had no idea why he laughed either but he did, for lack of anything better to do.
"God." James stifled his laughter, a stupid smile on his face as he looked at Hartley. "I'm so fucking gay, aren't I?"
"I told you that two minutes into our first meeting, but glad to know you're catching on." Hartley couldn't help it, he hadn't felt this happy in... He couldn't even remember. It had been a while. So of course he kissed his cheek again and then started to move his lips along his jaw, just because he could. Finally. His handsome James, yes? It was difficult to believe, but not an opportunity he'd risk wasting. "You're so fucking gay and you're so fucking beautiful and for a long while, I wanted you more than anything. I just wanted you to want me."
"I did! But then I freaked then you got a boyfriend then Wells was a creeper. I only realised about the time I went to prison and I've been trying to tell you." Subtly and terribly but he'd been trying. With a small noise of enjoyment, he let Hartley do as he pleased, not feeling quite confident enough to really go for it himself, he was still unsure how this worked, still trying not to be too 'homo' about this whole thing.
He could be into dudes and not be all gay-gay, just cool normal gay. Like Hartley. "So you still want me?"
"You're terrible at telling me." It had to be said. Hartley pulled back, just enough to look into James' face. Time for honesty of his own too, he supposed. "I don't want you like I used to. I know you much better now. You're no longer just the most handsome guy I've seen outside of a magazine."
He was also significantly less sheltered, which helped. "So you missed out on a lot of flustering me just with a smile. Only have yourself to blame."
"Oh please, you can talk, you handsome bastard." He leaned up and stole a kiss of his own before grabbing onto Hartley and yanking him down on top of him so he could hold him, just hold him close and not have to look into his eyes as he spoke. James was good at a lot of things but when it came to feeling and expressing it maturely, this was not his best area. He preferred to not meet his eyes in moments like this.
"I can live with that. I'm sorry I was a jerk. I regret it, I hope you know that. In my head I play out our first kiss all the time only I'm not a total coward this time. We kiss and I let you say. I never fuck up." Never go all 'no homo' and call Hartley a fag. Kick him out of his house like an idiot.
Hartley chuckled, but he let James do as he pleased, settling in on top of him and staying there, just watching his face from the side and idly playing with his hair. He was still too handsome, probably even more so. No need to assure James of that right now, he had a tendency to be too full of himself.
"Mhm. That was the worst day of my life for a while. Replaced my parents kicking me out. It was the worst until the day Harrison fired me, dumped me and I couldn't get through to you. But the hardest thing was trying to accept that you might be perfect for me and that you probably liked me, but you'd never be with me."
"I'll be with you now. I know it's not easy and it's a little complicated but simple and normal is so boring." James never did normal, that was too simple. He had too much fun with the world being the fucked up mess that it was and he was never going to be perfect but at least he could get over himself for two seconds and just love Hartley. Like he should have all that time ago. Like he owed him.
"This must be the best day of your life, huh? Me, the handsomest man you know, finally admitting his feelings and loving you. You lucky bastard." What? James being full of himself? Never! What an impossible idea.
"Right." A word that could have so many meanings. All of them sarcastic. "I'm overjoyed. Never been happier. You make all my dreams come true." Hartley rolled his eyes and got up, but he was smiling. "I still have work to do, loverboy."
There was absolutely no reason whatsoever for him to reinforce James' ego. He knew better than to risk that.
"Noooo, we just got together and you're ditching me? My poor heart can't take it." He reached out and grabbed onto Hartley's shirt to try and yank him back down. Yes, he was needy and wanted attention but he knew he could get it and he wanted it so of course he was going to try for it. He wanted Hartley to just lie with him and nap, not go off to do his weird scary glove project.
"We're supposed to cuddle and fall asleep together all PG rated because we're new to this but we should totally hold each other and be together. So!" He threw out his arms expectantly, just assuming Hartley could fall into his arms. "C'mere!"
"I'm not just going to do nothing when I have things to do." Granted, 'cuddling' wasn't actually nothing, but this was where James was losing out. Hartley knew him too well to just give in to every little tiny request. "I can bring my tools here, if that's better?"
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"Good." Fuck. Good? What did good mean? "Great." Okay, getting a little better. "Thank you." Shit. Nope, abort. Abort!
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"God." James stifled his laughter, a stupid smile on his face as he looked at Hartley. "I'm so fucking gay, aren't I?"
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He could be into dudes and not be all gay-gay, just cool normal gay. Like Hartley. "So you still want me?"
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He was also significantly less sheltered, which helped. "So you missed out on a lot of flustering me just with a smile. Only have yourself to blame."
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"I can live with that. I'm sorry I was a jerk. I regret it, I hope you know that. In my head I play out our first kiss all the time only I'm not a total coward this time. We kiss and I let you say. I never fuck up." Never go all 'no homo' and call Hartley a fag. Kick him out of his house like an idiot.
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"Mhm. That was the worst day of my life for a while. Replaced my parents kicking me out. It was the worst until the day Harrison fired me, dumped me and I couldn't get through to you. But the hardest thing was trying to accept that you might be perfect for me and that you probably liked me, but you'd never be with me."
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"This must be the best day of your life, huh? Me, the handsomest man you know, finally admitting his feelings and loving you. You lucky bastard." What? James being full of himself? Never! What an impossible idea.
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There was absolutely no reason whatsoever for him to reinforce James' ego. He knew better than to risk that.
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"We're supposed to cuddle and fall asleep together all PG rated because we're new to this but we should totally hold each other and be together. So!" He threw out his arms expectantly, just assuming Hartley could fall into his arms. "C'mere!"
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