Unprofessional

[mostlyajerk]

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[mostlyajerk]

You're out of milk.

[viber]

Then go out and get some.

[mostlyajerk]

You can bring some back.

[viber]

But then I have to get off the bus early and walk to the shop. I never agreed to that!

[mostlyajerk]

I thought you didn't take the bus any more. Also, agree to it now. I'm sick, I need milk.

For my cereal.

[viber]

Eobard is gone and you're in my place so the odds of there being any more bus issues is low. And even as I say that, I know it'll happen but I can hope, can't I?

I'll get you milk.

[mostlyajerk]

Thank you.

You know, I was never allowed any chocolate cereal as a child. Only cornflakes. Nobody likes cornflakes. They are designed to be bland and keep you from masturbating. True story.

[viber]

They are? Wait, what? Really? ... About the masturbating, not the chocolate cereal.

I can buy your parents were that petty. Never got a free toy in your cereal then?

[mostlyajerk]

It's true. Same with Graham Crackers. Supposedly eating bland food would keep people from dirty thoughts. I guess chocolate cereal might do the opposite.

No. I didn't actually have toys. I mean, I did, but that's because I'd take things apart to build toys. Which hasn't really changed.

[viber]

So did it work? Did you never jack off because of bland cereal?

I always wanted those toys! I just got stuck with power rangers. Which are insanely cool but they were boring so I always ended up taking everything apart to make new things. I made a killer robot once... burnt down my garage.

[mostlyajerk]

No. I was a bored teenager without toys and a repressed sexuality, I jacked off all the time.

I gave our toaster an upgrade and set my father on fire. Which was hilarious, actually.

[viber]

I bet. Man, at least you could do it. I never could. Like I had to time my alone time, you know? I shared a room with Dante until I was like eighteen.

That sounds beautiful. I once blew up our TV before a big game Dante wanted to see, felt so good.

[mostlyajerk]

I did have my own room, there's that. I had a lot of space for jacking off. I still remember the magical day I realized how much better it worked if I didn't try to think of women.

That's wonderful. I love when things blow up. At least minor appliances. I once fixed the television so it'd either show picture or have sound, never both at once. Never seen my father that angry. Well. Until later.

[viber]

I always thought of Leia. And a few times Han, which confused me at first but then, you know what? I stopped the gay panic and enjoyed it. Who doesn't want Han Solo?

You know, I can sometimes see why our parents hate us but I kind of take the thinking of 'they started it' and I stand by it.

[mostlyajerk]

Oh, I know. Although I always liked Luke more, which I know is controversial. My favourite was Lando. Of course.

They did. More or less. At least the hatred isn't really connected to our creative outbursts. It's not as if I destroyed priceless art. Often.

[viber]

Luke was too pure for my dirty fantasies. And Lando was always so badass but I felt like he'd play me, you know?

My parents had nothing that was really priceless or fancy, ruining the TV was bad enough. I always said if they just let me take a few engineering classes, maybe got me some cool creative toys, I'd be less destructive.

[mostlyajerk]

I get your point with Luke, but that was a first crush kind of thing, I just thought about getting ice cream and holding hands. Lando, see, I'd let him play me. He could tie me up any time.

See, I never entirely stopped being destructive and my parents did further my talents. Maybe it was all the gay angst.

[viber]

I always wanted to do that with He-Man. Hold hands and get ice-cream, not tie me up. Though I have grown since my early days so I'm not entirely against it. Same with the evil queen from Snow White. I don't know why but I always liked the idea of her all over me. Being a bitch.

Mine was mostly genius angst. And a little bit of cluminess. I didn't always trash shit out of spite.

[mostlyajerk]

See, for me the Sleeping Beauty prince getting captured by Maleficent? That's something. I could see you being her bitch. That might even be kind of hot to see.

Well. The toaster was just youthful curiosity. The television, that was nothing but spite.

[viber]

Oh god, I know that scene. Talk about sexy. I think I always had a thing for girls that can dominate me. Hence my brief flirtation with Lisa.

I never know these days if I was innocent or spiteful. Sometimes I'm never sure of myself. I have a habit of being a bad person.

[mostlyajerk]

You and Lisa Snart. That'd be a brilliant idea. Her brother wouldn't kill you much, I'm sure.

Don't go there. Disney is better talk.

[viber]

Oh please, if he didn't, she would. I'm very over it. I don't think dating is on the table for me anyway.

Sorry, my bad. Safe topics. What kind of milk do you want?

[mostlyajerk]

Probably not. I doubt it's on the table for either of us. But we'll always have Prince Philip getting dominated.

Organic, free range, fair trade, happy cows, that stuff. You know what a good person I am.

[viber]

yeah and I no longer share a bedroom so I can jack off as much as I want. As long as you don't walk in.

The expensive stuff. Great. This one has a happy cow on it so I'm getting it

[mostlyajerk]

Just make sure to keep the moaning to a minimum, it's very distracting.

I will give you the money. Stop whining.